Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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