if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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