oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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