I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
