I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
