I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Quick, to the slutcave!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I love you.
Bad choice
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
