How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
