Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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