let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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