considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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