The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
