i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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