id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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