Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Are my feet made of real feet?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
