is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
