You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
