How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
