He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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