So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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