CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
