just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've blown a few things in my day
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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