no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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