he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so let's talk penis.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
