Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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