I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
