He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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