I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
