We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
