Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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