He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She bit a glass in half.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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