Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
