Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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