We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
