Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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