why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
