Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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