all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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