Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
