I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
