dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I could make wine with my vomit
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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