It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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