Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
