i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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