shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
