Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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