come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
