The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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