im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
