just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
