yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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