So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i think i just lost a toe
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
