I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
