Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
