yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
