2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
