If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
