Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
