If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
