Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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