I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
