I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
