I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
